


Nonsensical

by pastelprince



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anal Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 15:53:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11383431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelprince/pseuds/pastelprince
Summary: In a world where matching marks are meant to indicate who is perfect for each other, maintaining those relationships should be easy.Everyone tells the Kresniks that they're lucky to be soulmates, but it turns out that Ludger couldn't find it any more painful.





	Nonsensical

**Author's Note:**

> hello!  
> so I've been a devout follower of this pairing for a couple of years now, but here comes the time that I finally show my face on the tag where I've read all of the fic. ayyy
> 
> this idea came about when I was about to make a post saying every pairing has that one soulmate marks AU. and then I was like... wait... but kresnikcest??  
> soooo I had to write it :p (hence ofc it's very trope-y)
> 
> hope you enjoy!
> 
> my tumblr is [ka-woru](http://ka-woru.tumblr.com/) and my twitter is [pixelpastels](http://twitter.com/pixelpastels) if you ever wanna hmu about Julius & Ludger ;p (or anything tbh)

 

 

Ludger was eleven years old when a dark blue smudge began to form over the inside of his wrist.

 

He had first assumed that it was a paint stain resulting from a rather messy art lesson at school; he’d completely ruined the shirt he had been wearing that day with a similar shade of navy, and it wouldn’t fade away no matter how many times he scrubbed at it. Probably the same paint. Yet, even after a week and several baths, the blue still stood out proudly on his pale skin. In fact, with each passing day it only appeared to become darker, and Ludger noticed that it was beginning to take the shape of a circle. 

 

Ludger wasn’t the only one to notice. During a homework session, a classmate whose name he couldn’t even remember was the one to seize his right hand, her face lighting up in excitement as she stared intensely at the inside of his wrist. Ludger yanked his arm away from her grip indignantly.

 

“What are you looking at?” he muttered irritably.

 

“Wow, you’re seriously already getting your mark?!” she grinned, trying to get another look at the blue circle as Ludger tried to hide his arm behind his back.

Ludger doubted whatever she was getting at. Soulmate marks often didn’t start to show themselves before the mid-teens, probably because there was some kind of environmental influence on who would definitely be suited to that person for life, people reckoned. Ludger didn’t really know or care, but he doubted he had experienced enough in life for his soulmate to be determined so early.

 

“It’s just an ink stain from the other day,” he replied nonchalantly, attempting to ignore the overly-excitable girl and fixedly stared at his homework sheet. The girl - was it Heather? Helen? - eyed him suspiciously before she grinned again.

 

“There’s no way it’d stay there for so long, and make such a neat circle! Unless you tried to tattoo yourself, it’s gotta be a mark!” she told him definitely. “Hear me out, Ludger. You’re friends with Nova, aren’t you?”

Ludger sighed. He knew where she was going with this. Nova was the only person in their year whose mark had manifested, and of all the colours, hers also had to be a deep blue.

 

“Nova is a good friend, but I don’t think we’re that close,” Ludger edged around the situation, trying to tell the girl as politely as he could that he didn’t really pay all that much attention to Nova. His excuse was largely dismissed, and Ludger despaired over the lack of a teacher in the room as his classmate proceeded to call out to the table behind her,

 

“Guys, Ludger’s got a blue mark! I bet he’s gonna match with Nova!”

 

Apparently that was reason for all hell to break loose, and Ludger couldn’t even last the final hour of school before the whole year knew. He tried his best to walk home untroubled, but with people approaching him every step to try and get a look at the mark on his wrist and tease him about Nova, he wouldn’t have been surprised if his arm had been yanked off.

 

 

Ludger attempted to appear his normal self once he came home to his brother, and he answered all of the questions such as ‘how was school’ and ‘was lunch okay’ in the same fashion as usual. Apparently, that wasn’t enough, since he felt Julius’ worried eyes stare him down as he picked at his food with his fork nervously.

 

“Ludger, can you tell me what’s wrong?” he asked gently, waiting for a response even after Ludger gave him silence. Eventually, he caved in.

 

“It’s just people at school… because they saw this, whatever it is,” Ludger explained vaguely, averting eye contact as he held his wrist out to his brother. Unlike the way his forearm had been gripped by his nosey peers at school, Julius carefully took his small wrist in his fingers to inspect it. “It can’t be a mark, right? Not yet,” Ludger supplied hopefully.

 

“It’s not unheard of at all,” Julius replied. “You should count yourself lucky. You’ll have longer to try and find whoever you’re paired up with,” he smiled with an unreadable expression in his eyes.

 

“Everyone at school thinks they already know,” Ludger rolled his eyes. “Since Nova has a blue mark too.”

 

“You think it’s the same?” Julius smiled, but Ludger immediately shook his head.

 

“No way. It’s obviously a different shape, even if it’s not fully formed yet.”

 

It was only then that Ludger thought of the intricate mark on the back of his brother’s left hand compared to his ‘ink stain’. Julius’ mark took the shape of what looked like clockwork, different shades of blue intertwining over and over. Ludger had seen it many times, but Julius usually kept it hidden under a pair of gloves. Ludger had always thought it was pretty, but he wondered whether Julius was ashamed of it, since he always covered it up.

 

“You’ve never found someone who matches with you?” Ludger asked tentatively, shyly watching for his brother’s reaction.

 

“No,” he answered simply. “You know it’s only been there for the last few years. I was beginning to think I didn’t have one,” Julius chuckled.

Ludger shrugged.

 

“Then why do you cover it up?” Ludger asked, the words automatically tumbling from his lips before he could stop them. He didn’t miss the way Julius tensed up, and he immediately regretted asking.

 

“It’s just to avoid people asking questions about it,” he brushed off, and Ludger was left wondering whether there was more to it. “Don’t be ashamed of it, Ludger. You’ll never find someone if it’s all hidden away,” his voice sounded sorrowful, and Ludger didn’t know what to say. “Anyway, tell me if your classmates keep on bothering you. The mark will get clearer soon, but they’ll grow bored of it probably. Come on, eat your soup up before it gets too cold.” 

He honestly felt worse about the whole situation, but not because of school - mostly just because he seemed to have upset Julius somehow. Terribly self-aware of his own naïvety, he didn’t know how to make it better.

 

He hugged Julius for much longer than he usually did before he went to bed, just hoping that somehow his feelings would get through to him.

 

* * *

 

 

 

After that day, Ludger took to wearing long-sleeved shirts. 

 

Not that he was ashamed of his mark, because he wasn’t - it was more that he despised the limelight which had been thrust upon him. Something which was so personal to his life wasn’t something which all his school friends needed to see; Ludger was sure that if he met his soulmate, he wouldn’t need to match up their marks to know that he loved them. At least, he believed so. Thus, it was easier this way, no matter what Julius had told him about having more time to go out and find that person. 

 

A year later, after coming to secondary school, he still had the same lack of friends, and nobody there showed a mark which matched Ludger’s. What had once been a faded smudge had now formed into a prominent navy swirl. Honestly, he would be lying if he said he hadn’t been on the lookout for it at least a little; for example, he might see a nice-looking boy from another Trigleph school on the train and give him a quick look-over for the familiar swirl shape, but he often couldn’t see any mark. If they had even had a mark, then it seemed like Julius wasn’t the only one who covered it up.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was his thirteenth birthday, and Julius was teaching him how to make cheesecake. 

 

Ever since they’d gone to a desserts place near Spirius HQ to celebrate the beginning of their summer break, Ludger talked about nothing but strawberry cheesecake every single mealtime. While Julius would have loved to indulge his brother, he didn’t really know if he could have made a good one. Luckily, Ludger really enjoyed cooking, and he was good at it, too, so it was undoubtedly much more fun this way.

 

For a first attempt, Ludger thought it had gone okay. For once, he was able to eat the ingredients as they went along, using the excuse ‘it’s my birthday’ when given disappointed looks from Julius. Apart from a mishap involving Ludger accidentally getting jam all over the sleeve of Julius’ jacket, and then getting tickled by Julius within an inch of his life, the cheesecake had been prepared without a hitch.

 

“I’m really sorry if the stain doesn’t come out. I’ll save up to buy you a new one,” Ludger laughed awkwardly as he rolled up his sleeves further before going to wash the stickiness from his hands.

 

“I’m not letting you choose my wardrobe,” Julius replied playfully. “There’s no way I’m not going to get it out.” 

 

“My choice would  _ definitely  _ be an improvement, excuse y-” as the soapy bubbles rinsed away from his palms, a turquoise shimmer on his wrist caught Ludger’s eye. He froze in shock. His mark had become bigger.

 

And he knew this mark.

 

Jagged sky-blue and turquoise lines wove through the navy spiral which had already formed, creating the appearance of intricate cogs. He’d seen it enough times to know - his mark was just like Julius’. 

 

He scrubbed at it with the warm water with some force, just to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. After confirming that the new additions weren’t rinsing off, Ludger began to panic.

 

_ What does this mean? Can family even be soulmates? Is the mark actually not the same? _

 

Julius seemed to have noticed that something had happened, since Ludger heard footsteps cross the kitchen floor swiftly whilst his eyes were transfixed on his wrist.

 

“Ludger? Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?” Julius’ tone was laced with concern as he came up behind Ludger, his left hand reaching out in order to take a look at the possible injury.

 

He froze the moment he saw it.

 

The mark on the back of the hand he had stretched out matched perfectly with what was there on Ludger’s wrist.

 

“J-Julius,” Ludger stuttered out nervously. “I… don’t get it?” He watched as Julius’ eyes changed through shock, disbelief, and finally to joy.

 

“Oh my god,” was the first thing Julius said, and he swivelled Ludger around to embrace him in a close, warm hug. “It makes sense. That makes so much sense…” he said, seemingly more to himself.

 

“Does it?” Ludger questioned in utter confusion, hugging him back all the same. He wasn’t even sure if Julius was listening to him properly, since all he did was nod into the top of Ludger’s head, and then continue muttering something to himself. Ludger let him have time.

 

When Julius finally pulled away, looking into Ludger’s face fondly, he spoke up again.

 

“Julius, I don’t understand. Is that possible?” his brow furrowed, and despite the fact that something warm was glowering in his chest with the revelation, Ludger needed to know more. This seemed to bring Julius back to reality; he stood up straight, and said,

“Oh, yes, of course. Sorry, I was just… surprised,” he smiled. “Come on, I’ll tell you about it and we can wait for the cheesecake to set.”

 

Ludger followed Julius to sit beside him on the sofa, and the quiet hum of the radio filled the apartment.

 

“I know the word ‘soulmates’ sounds like something which is exclusive to romance, but that’s not always the case,” Julius started. “I even know some people personally who found that their soulmate became their best friend rather than a lover. I don’t see why it would be any different in the case of brothers,” Julius shrugged happily. Ludger nodded a little.

 

“I guess that’s true.”

 

Julius put his palm out to stroke the top of Ludger’s head fondly.

 

“It’s so stupid, Ludger, but you were the reason I didn’t show anybody my mark,” Julius confessed. Ludger’s eyebrows raised quizzically. 

 

“How come?”

 

“I was worried that if I found that person, I wouldn’t be able to spend the little free time I have with you anymore. I thought that… it would get in the way, and things would change, and I didn’t want that. How oblivious of me - that should have been a big enough hint that you were the most important person to me all along,” he smiled gently. “I got even more scared of losing you after your mark began to show, too.” 

As the words sunk in, Ludger felt… warm. His heart felt as if it was beating calmly, and the warmth in his chest made him feel kind of sleepy.

 

“Everything I do has always been for the sake of us as a family, anyway. It makes sense,” Julius repeated.

 

“Yeah,” Ludger couldn’t help but smile back. “It makes sense.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Five years after finding out that Julius was his soulmate, Ludger thought that things couldn’t make any less sense.

 

Despite everything Julius had said to him back then, they had grown distant. They still lived together and Ludger would still cook for him every day, but Julius spent more time at work than ever, and often retreated to his own room after mealtimes. To say Ludger was worried about him would be an understatement, but aside from that, Ludger’s own feelings were what worried him the most.

 

The more distant they grew, the more Ludger became aware of his painful longing for Julius. Such feelings had first arisen when he was around sixteen - small things, like finding himself wanting to give Julius a kiss goodbye before work, or wanting to cuddle with him on the sofa after a long day. Back then, he could have almost fooled himself that his feelings were platonic; they were soulmates as well as brothers, after all. 

Two years on, however, he was terribly aware of the way his gut turned when he saw Julius half-dressed after a shower, or the way he wondered what his lips would taste like after eating dessert. He was fucked up, he at least knew that. 

 

Ludger never covered his mark up anymore, and Julius didn’t either. He’d always known that he loved Julius with every fibre of his being, and he was proud of that. But over the years, every time someone they knew commented on their matching marks, it became a punch to the gut.

 

“Oh, how lovely that you two match! It must be nice to have such a strong bond between brothers, especially if you don’t have to worry about your love life!” They would say. 

 

“What a pure thing,” others would comment. 

 

Every time it came up, Ludger’s heart swam with guilt. He was the furthest thing from pure, when all he could think about under the sheets at night was his brother and how it might feel to be cradled against him. But he would never know Julius’ touch, and that made it all the more unbearable.

 

Julius had been wrong. Their being soulmates? It made no sense at all to Ludger.

 

Yes, Ludger loved him, yes, he wanted to be with him forever, but not like this. He couldn’t live up to what Julius expected of him, to what society expected of him - to be the caring little brother with no need for romantic worries.

 

Ludger began to wonder if Julius had noticed his twisted feelings. The day after their new landlady had doted over their matching marks, Julius started wearing gloves again. 

It was the first thing he noticed once he emerged from his bedroom that morning, as gloved hands held up a newspaper at the kitchen table. His heart sunk, and for some reason he felt as if he were on the verge of tears.

 

“You’re wearing gloves,” Ludger stated into the silent room before he could stop himself.

 

“It’s cold out today,” Julius bristled. “Don’t bother with making me breakfast, I’ll grab something on the way. You just get ready for work.”

 

There had been more of this lately, too. Ludger wasn’t stupid; he could tell Julius wasn’t acting his normal self. His tone had grown colder and colder as he distanced himself from Ludger more and more. And Ludger knew his feelings weren’t exactly subtle.

He could rarely stop himself from staring due to how handsome Julius was, or just because he missed him and wanted to hold him. Julius caught him looking a lot, too. Along with that, perhaps he had noticed Ludger’s motivations behind asking him out to places more than he ever had before (which he always declined) and touching him way more than was necessary.

 

If he’d figured it out, it was possible he’d freaked Julius out. But they were soulmates, after all, and even if Julius couldn’t deal with Ludger’s less-than-platonic feelings, he probably still loved him. He guessed that was why he was still living with Ludger, albeit very distantly.

 

And it hurt. It hurt very much. And now, it’d even gotten to the point that Julius didn’t want anyone to know that he was soulmates with his sick brother. It was unbearable.

 

“Hey, I’ve made breakfast nearly every day for years. Let me treat you today, too,” Ludger tried his best to put on a kind smile in an attempt to hide his utter desperation. He reached out to give Julius’ shoulder a reassuring touch before going to get ingredients from the fridge, but a gloved hand stopped him.

 

“Ludger, could you come sit down for a second?” his tone was unreadable.

 

“Um, sure,” he agreed shakily, plopping down on the seat opposite Julius awkwardly.

 

“How would you like to find someplace new?” Julius asked, his fingers interlocked tightly.

 

“Oh? How come? Are Spirius giving you a job somewhere else?” Ludger replied, surprise clear in his face.

 

“No, not with me, Ludger,” Julius said gently. The words made no sense to Ludger. “You’re an adult now, aren’t you? You don’t need me to look after you anymore, and I thought you might like to branch out,” his tone was so flat that Ludger couldn’t work out any kind of semblance of intent.

 

Sorrow boiled up inside him.

 

“So you don’t want to be with me anymore?” his words came out stronger than he had intended, but emotion was taking him over. He tried not to think about how much he sounded like an upset boyfriend.

 

“No, that’s not it at all, Ludger, I-”

 

“What was all that shit you said to me when I was younger? About wanting to spend all your time with me so much that you didn’t even want to find a partner? Was it a lie?”

 

“No, Ludger. Trust me, I still want that, but-”

 

“But _what?_ You think I’m so gross that you wish I wasn’t your soulmate anymore? If you don’t love me anymore, and you just want to keep as much distance between us as possible, then just move out yourself,” Ludger’s voice sounded wrecked; at some point, tears had begun to cascade down his pink cheeks. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed,” he added in a small voice, and he retreated back into his bedroom in an attempt to shut himself away from the situation. Julius didn’t follow him.

 

* * *

 

 

Once he emerged hours later after a lot of crying, Ludger was surprised to see that Julius was still home, sitting there on the couch in his pyjamas, with Rollo curled up next to him.

 

“Why-” 

 

“I called in to both your work and mine to say we’re not feeling well,” Julius answered his unspoken question. “Come sit down.” His voice was a lot softer than earlier.

 

“You’re not going to try to turf me out again?” Ludger joked shakily as he tentatively sat back.

 

“Of course not,” he said surely. When Ludger looked up at him, his eyes seemed unusually red, and he wondered whether Julius had been crying too.

 

“If not, then why keep so far away from me? Why suddenly go and… cover up your mark?” Pain shot through Ludger’s heart as he said it, his eyes trained on his own wrist and Julius’ bare hand. He couldn’t stop his fingertips from shaking no matter how hard he tried to keep steady. Tears were already welling up in his eyes again, and Ludger wondered if it was weird to be able to cry so much.

 

Julius seemed to be able to tell how upset he was, as his worried expression looked searchingly into Ludger’s eyes before he suddenly reached his right hand out to bring him into a hug against his shoulder. Ludger let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding, happily burying his face there.

 

After a good minute like that, Julius let him go, and he shuffled backwards to be able to face Ludger properly. Rollo clambered over to sit between them.

 

“Listen to me, okay? Ludger, none of this is because I don’t love you anymore, and I don’t see why on earth I would ever think you were gross or something,” he started seriously. “It’s because of my own feelings. I’m your big brother, I’m your soulmate, and I’m supposed to be able to protect you and give you all of the things you deserve.”

 

“And you do,” Ludger supplied honestly.

 

“Yes, for now,” Julius’ brow furrowed. “But I can’t protect you from myself for much longer.”

 

Ludger squinted his eyes in confusion.

 

“What are you talking about? Are you sick?” he asked, his tone laced with worry. Julius chuckled nervously, and Ludger could tell how on edge Julius felt with how shaky his breaths were.

“Maybe,” he said, which just made Ludger even more confused. “I’ve always loved you more than anything, you know that,” Julius smiled, and Ludger nodded. “But then, you grew up, and… you’ve become so, so beautiful, Ludger. I don’t even know if you know it,” he cleared his throat awkwardly.

 

Watching the way Julius’ chest was heaving, and the sad sparkle of his dark blue eyes - Ludger’s heart was beating a hundred miles per hour.

 

“I can’t deal with how everyone thinks I’m the perfect brother to you, the perfect soulmate, because I’m anything but. I want you so much, Ludger, but I also want to protect you. I’m not right for the job. I don’t know how much longer I can do it,” he laughed, sorrow wracking through his voice. “So, that’s why I want to leave.”

 

Ludger could barely believe what he was hearing. The whole time he had thought this whole soulmates thing couldn’t work out for him - Julius had felt the same way?

 

“Have I screwed it up?” Julius looked up nervously, the silence obviously making him uncomfortable.

 

“Julius, you love me back?” was the only thing Ludger managed to voice in his state of bewilderment.

 

“More than you can imagine,” he replied gently.

 

There was no way Ludger could have held himself back. All thoughts of _but I’m supposed to be the perfect brother_ disappeared, and all he could think was _Julius is my soulmate, Julius is my soulmate, Julius is my soulmate,_ and for the first time, it made complete sense to him. 

He placed his palms on either side of Julius’ neck, and leaned forwards to bring his lips to Julius’. He held his face close as he caught Julius’ bottom lip gently, and after a moment of shock, warmth washed over Ludger as Julius kissed him back. His lips were plump and soft, and Ludger could smell the usual fruity shampoo which made his heart flutter.

It seemed like that was all it took for all of Ludger’s previous reservations to dissipate. He swung his other leg onto the sofa, almost forgetting that Rollo was there, and his distressed ‘mrow’ registered distantly in his mind as he went to go rest someplace else. But he could barely think of anything but how _long_ he had waited, and he moved to straddle Julius’ lap, kneeling above him before catching his lips in a much less gentle kiss this time.

Julius’ hands came up to wrap around Ludger’s waist, steadying him tightly with firm hands as he kissed back with just as much fervor. Ludger felt a whine build up in the back of his throat, and he slipped his tongue over Julius’ oh-so-soft bottom lip. Julius returned the motions without even thinking, his grip on Ludger’s waist becoming tighter as a pleased sigh escaped him. Once they pulled apart to take heavy breaths, Ludger rolled his hips down onto Julius’, wanting - when he went back down to kiss Julius’ neck, however, Ludger realised that Julius was no longer responding.

 

“Julius?”

 

Julius’ gaze was transfixed on their hips, Ludger very obviously hard through his jeans.

 

“Are you okay?” Ludger asked seekingly, putting out a palm to cup Julius’ cheek. Julius’ eyes were closed, and he suddenly grunted and turned his head away as he took Ludger’s hand away.

 

“I-I can’t,” he said through gritted teeth.

 

“What?” Ludger’s heart sank. “Why not? I want this, Julius, I-”

 

“You shouldn’t, Ludger. You shouldn’t,” he reluctantly pushed Ludger off his lap, then stood up.

 

“Why shouldn’t I? We’re soulmates, Julius… Where are you going?”

 

Julius didn’t reply then, and took Ludger’s right hand lovingly. He turned it over, and traced over the sapphire-y clockwork on his wrist with a reverent look in his eyes. Ludger trembled.

 

“It’s because we’re soulmates that I don’t want to do this to you,” Julius sighed. “You’ve heard it all before. Everyone thinks that I’m the perfect soulmate brother who protects you, and it makes me feel sick. I can’t help but feel like I’m taking advantage of your feelings. And I love you, so I don’t want your sick brother to… taint you, or for people to find out about it and give you a hard time,” he closed his eyes and sighed. 

Ludger stood up to stare him down.

 

“Julius,” he pleaded. “Everyone already knows how close we are. Unless they catch us making out somehow, I doubt they’d ever know. You can’t still be saying this, not after I finally find out you feel the same way…” Ludger’s voice trailed off. Julius bit his lip in frustration.

 

“I… I need to think. This is too much at once, so… I guess I’ll stay with Rideaux for a couple of days,” Julius put his forehead against his palm. “I just… need to get out,” he choked on his words a little, and he was already grabbing his wallet and keys to leave. Frustrated wasn’t anywhere near a strong enough word to describe Ludger’s state at that moment.

 

“You’re not sick for loving me. I don’t need protection,” Ludger began plainly, Julius turning to leave the apartment. “You can’t decide what makes me happy for me, Julius.”

 

And he was gone.

 

* * *

 

 

As if Julius being gone wasn’t lonely enough, Rollo had also somehow gone missing. 

 

The last time he remembered seeing Rollo was during his kissing session with Julius ( _don’t think about it, don’t think about it_ ), and it was wholly possible he’d slunk off somewhere and then followed Julius outside. 

 

After three days of no Julius and going out looking for Rollo had passed, it hit Ludger that he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d been alone like this for this long - three days felt like a decade. 

 

He thought of contacting Julius just to let him know to keep an eye out for Rollo, yet fear rescinded that thought, since Ludger could only think of getting rejected again. Maybe he wouldn’t reply, or maybe he’d tell Ludger not to contact him - neither of those things were a very healthy outcome for how vulnerable Ludger felt right then.

 

To keep himself from worrying about the other two members of his family, Ludger did overtime at his job at the restaurant each day. He’d even pinned a notice about Rollo at the cash desk as well as the station entrance, but nobody said they’d seen him. 

How far could he have even gone? It wasn’t hard to recognise a cat as chubby as Rollo, and yet nobody had come forward with a report. Even though he’d been very irritable at work, Nova actually had offered to gather a search party of her friends to look for Rollo when she saw Ludger. He guessed that was why she thought he was so sad, and wanted to cheer him up, bless her. Ludger felt so cold in the evenings when he sat on the sofa deprived of fluffy cats and a warm Julius that he even considered putting a reward on the poster (for finding Rollo, that is - not Julius).  

 

 

On the fourth day, Ludger’s brain began telling him that neither of them were ever coming back.

 

What was it Julius had said? A couple of days? It had now been twice as long, and Ludger hadn’t received so much as a text message. As for Rollo, wandering off was uncharacteristic of him. Ludger had always thought that even when Rollo goes out, he always comes back, since their home must be at least somewhat of a kitty haven.   

 

Ludger wondered how many other people had ever felt as cold as he did. 

For ninety-nine percent of people, the whole soulmate business seemed excruciatingly simple once they found each other. Love someone, know that their love is reciprocated, be together forever, the end.

Ludger had been repressing his love for so long, and he expected Julius had too. For them to be separated like this - Ludger couldn’t even fathom a strongly-worded enough metaphor to compare with the coldness he felt.

 

* * *

 

 

On the fifth day, there was a knock at the door.

 

Ludger, in a fatigued stupor, didn’t even bother to check his reflection before opening the door. He instantly regretted leaving himself to look and smell like a turd when he saw Julius standing there, as striking as ever, and Rollo curled up in his arms. He abruptly stood up straight.

 

“Julius,” he said.

 

“Hi, Ludger,” he said a little sheepishly, and Ludger watched his Adam’s apple move up and down as he very obviously gulped. “I found Rollo sleeping in Rideaux’s garden. I guess he followed me there and didn’t know his way back,” he explained, setting Rollo down and shutting the door behind them. “I already fed him.” Rollo immediately paced over to Ludger and rubbed up between his legs, purring happily as he gave affection to his missed, second-favourite owner. Ludger payed way more attention to Rollo than was necessary, trying to distract himself from his brother whom he had missed so much just incase he did something he’d regret. He could live without showing his affections towards his brother, he thought; anything was better than the awfully hollow five days he had just lived.

 

“I didn’t realise he was gone, I’m so sorry,” Julius apologised. “I know you hate being alone. If I’d known, I would’ve never…” he pursed his lips. “Were you lonely?” he asked, worry pulling at his features.

 

He looked so cute.

 

“...Really lonely,” Ludger admitted. 

 

Before he knew it, he had been wrapped in strong arms, and was pressed against a very warm body. He felt Julius press a soft kiss against his neck, and he sighed as he rubbed Julius’ back in return.

 

_ Ah, it might be okay after all. _

 

“You really want this?” he heard Julius murmur. He tightened his arms around Julius’ waist and nodded into his shoulder, allowing himself an indulgent lungful of his citrusy cologne. 

 

“Julius,” he said quietly, leaning backwards to face him. “You know how you could make me happy?”

 

“How?” Julius asked, anticipation clear in his tone.

 

“I really want to kiss you right now,” Ludger told him, his ocean-blue eyes pleading with the request. And then - he didn’t have to. 

Julius caught the side of his cheek with his right palm, and Ludger noted the fact that he wasn’t wearing his gloves as he felt the gentle pull of his fingertips. Julius leaned down to bring his lips to Ludger’s, and slowly kissed him as if he were the most precious thing in existence. Ludger felt dizzy.

 

“Julius,” Ludger said weakly against his lips, and he moved his arms up to encircle Julius’ neck. 

 

“Can I… kiss you some more?” Julius breathed, and Ludger only nodded for a second before Julius cradled him closer and caught his lips again much more desperately.  _ He’s actually, really, finally kissing me. _

He felt as if he could finally let go.

Ludger didn’t know if this was something all soulmates experienced, but the feeling of loving Julius the way he was meant to after so long repressing it was no less than pure bliss. It was as if his heart was starving for it; _more, more, more,_ it screamed. 

He grabbed fistfuls of Julius’ T-shirt underneath his coat as he ran his tongue over Julius’, and it seemed as though the same switch had flipped in Julius’ heart as well. He backed Ludger against the wall and broke their kiss in order to suckle the base of Ludger’s neck, one hand steadying his shoulder and the other clutching his waist. There was no way Julius could have known, but his neck was particularly sensitive, and a sound that he didn’t even know he would or could make escaped him each time he felt the press of Julius’ tongue. It seemed that Julius enjoyed it, since he didn’t let up and only became more eager. Honestly, it was overwhelming; Ludger felt as if his knees would have given in if it weren’t for Julius’ embrace and the support of the wall behind him.

 

“You’re so gorgeous, Ludger,” Julius hushed into his ear, and goosebumps covered his pale skin. Ludger knew he was at his worst on that day looks-wise, but if that still worked for Julius, he was flattered. Julius pushed his knee between between Ludger’s legs, and he whined shamelessly as friction dragged over his erection. Julius sucked in a breath through his teeth. 

 

“Julius, can we, um, go-” Ludger managed to say.

 

“Yes,” Julius replied immediately, and he slipped out of his shoes before guiding Ludger to his bedroom by the waist. 

 

Ludger clambered onto the bed eagerly and laid back, looking up at Julius, who was standing over him with an excited look in his eyes. Ludger stretched his arms above his head and looked up at Julius pointedly.

 

“Well, what are you waiting for? Undress me,” Ludger suggested lowly, and a sense of pleased shock registered on Julius’ expression. Ludger wondered where on earth his sexual personality had come from; he could only assume it was his natural response, considering this was the first time he hadn’t simply been fantasising about it.

 

“Of course,” Julius replied, shrugging off his jacket. With one knee settled over Ludger on the bed, Julius spread his palms out across Ludger’s torso in wonder. All of this was new to them, strangely enough. They’d been together for thirteen years, soulmates for over seven years, and yet they still had so much to learn about each other.

Impatience getting the better of him, Julius swiftly lifted Ludger’s shirt up over his head, and pulled down his pyjama bottoms, forgetting about being sensual. He left Ludger’s underwear alone, however, as if there were some kind of unspoken boundary.

 

“You too,” Ludger sat up in order to push Julius’ shirt up to the best of his ability, and then left him to battle with his trousers by himself.

Seeing Julius like this was… nothing less than breathtaking. Ludger had imagined this when he was turned on thousands of times, of course, but none of it really quite compared to the real thing. Being able to touch his muscular form... the way he looked when he was all hard and desperate and eyes half-lidded with lust, all because of _him_ … Ludger had never been so needy in his entire life. 

As soon as his socks were off, Ludger eagerly pulled him on top of him, and Julius leant down to press kisses all over Ludger’s chest. His fingertips kept brushing over Ludger’s nipples as he ran his hands up and over his waist, and Ludger was sure it was intentional.

 

“You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about us doing this,” Julius breathed. “It’s unreal how much I’m attracted to you.” Ludger’s heart lurched.

 

“M-Me too,” he sighed. 

 

“You were right, Ludger. I was stupid for thinking this wasn’t how we were meant to be,” he said tenderly, taking hold of Ludger’s right wrist. “I love being your brother. I love being your soulmate. And I would love it if you would do me the honour of being my boyfriend,” he kissed Ludger’s mark for a long few seconds, and Ludger replied,

 

“Please.”

 

Julius smoothed his other hand over to grab hold of Ludger’s left hand, and squeezed it before swiping his tongue over the mark which matched his own. A small gasp escaped Ludger, and he lay trembling as Julius continued to give love to his right wrist, looking up at him the entire time.

After he was satisfied with how much he had made Ludger flustered, Julius finally moved his mouth to somewhere slightly nearer to where Ludger wanted him the most, kissing along the inside of Ludger’s thighs. 

 

“Please take them off already,” Ludger requested in between whimpers, and Julius chuckled lightly.

 

“Anything for you,” he smiled, and he finally hooked his fingers over the waistband of Ludger’s underwear, pulling it down carefully. He leaned over to press a quick kiss to Ludger’s lips, before retreating to press another one to the head of Ludger’s dick. Ludger immediately sensed an urgent blush rush over his cheeks, and remarked in a high-pitched voice,

“Don’t do that!”

 

“Why not?” Julius smirked. Ludger shook his head in mock disappointment, trying not to blush harder at how attractive he found the newfound expression on Julius’ face. With no further protest from Ludger, Julius went back to press more kisses along the length of his dick, eliciting needy gasps with each one. The pressure was becoming nigh unbearable - as much as he wanted to take things slow with Julius and explore the new depth to their relationship, two years of pent-up sexual frustration were finally bubbling over, and all he wanted was release.

 

“Stop teasing me and just fuck me, please,” Ludger said all at once, earning him another mischievous laugh from Julius.

 

“Who knew you were actually such a demanding little brother?” Julius tutted playfully. Ludger didn’t know what button he’d pressed, but he knew he liked it.

 

“Next time you can take as long as you like. This time, I just… you need it too, right?” Ludger huffed.

 

“Yes,” Julius said more seriously. “I really do,” he confessed before leaning over to search his jacket which was in a pile on the floor. He soon found what he was looking for, and Ludger recognised the mystery item as lube. His eyebrows raised perplexedly.

 

“You prepared for this?”

 

“I told you, I went to think about it all. I thought about it. And I then thought that we might be doing this,” Julius smiled. Ludger’s heart fluttered.

“Let me prepare you first,” he said kindly, and he carefully pushed the backs of Ludger’s thighs up in order to open him up.

The lube was cold and sticky when Julius first spread it around his entrance, yet despite that he was still just as turned on. It surprised him just how uncontainably excited he was.

Julius finally pushed his index finger inside once he was sure he’d covered it all with enough lube, and Ludger welcomed the familiar strange sensation that always came at the beginning. Although Ludger was technically a virgin, he had done this to himself enough times whilst imagining Julius’ touch that he could almost convince himself that this wasn’t new. But Julius’ fingers were bigger, and he moved them around differently - confirmation that this was totally real. 

 

Despite how obviously desperate Julius was, his preparation was surprisingly gentle. He looked for confirmation every step of the way, and although Ludger was keen to have Julius inside him already, the size of the erection that he could see through Julius’ underwear somewhat daunted him. He wondered if Julius had done this a lot with someone else before, and that was how he seemed so careful about how to loosen Ludger up.

 

“That should be about enough,” Julius affirmed, and he fetched a condom out of his bedside drawer with an outstretched arm. Ludger felt blood rush to his cheeks again when Julius finally removed his underwear, and he marvelled at how ridiculously big it was compared to how tiny his own was. He felt a sudden urge to cover himself up. _That_ gene had obviously come from the part of Julius’ family that Ludger wasn’t related to.

 

“No, yours is cute,” Julius stated simply, apparently managing to read Ludger’s body language as he looked at it. Ludger’s blush remained very much there.

 

“You need to tell me if it hurts or you want me to stop, okay?” Julius reminded him as he held both of Ludger’s thighs, more lube everywhere. He waited for Ludger to nod before continuing. “I’m going to put it in now.”

 

This part was certainly new. 

 

The pressure was a lot more than fingers, and much warmer. It burned slightly as Julius slowly eased in, but it wasn’t too painful, and Ludger was relieved that Julius had spent so much time to prepare him. Not to mention, it was much, _much_ bigger than fingers, and Ludger sighed at how full up it made him feel. It seemed that despite their difference in size, Julius fit well there - as if he was meant to, somehow. He supposed that made sense.

Ludger could tell Julius was holding back for his sake. A wrecked noise came from the back of Julius’ throat as he waited there for Ludger to adjust to him. However, he smiled lovingly down at Ludger, and they met halfway to kiss passionately.

 

“Move a little,” Ludger broke off their kiss to request breathily once he couldn’t wait any longer. Julius did as he was told, and kept his eyes trained on Ludger’s to watch for any signs of discomfort. It felt okay, so Ludger nodded him on, and Julius started to thrust slowly.

A long breath slipped out from Ludger’s lungs, and he mainly enjoyed the look of pure pleasure on Julius’ face as he gave in to all the feelings he had been holding back.

 

“This is too good,” Julius remarked with a moan, dipping his head down to trace kisses along Ludger’s collarbone. It was around then that the strange burning sensation began to fade, and Ludger’s body began to heat up in satisfaction. 

 

“Julius,” his voice shook as Julius began to speed up his pace, giving Ludger messy kisses every now and then. 

 

“Mmm,” was the only reply Julius gave, the inner corners of his eyebrows turning upwards. 

 

“You’re so handsome like this,” Ludger said as he threaded his fingers through Julius’ hair.

 

“I’m nothing compared to you right now,” he replied. “Can I-”

 

“More,” Ludger demanded into Julius’ ear, suckling it once to hear Julius whimper before leaning back against the pillow. Julius happily obliged, and he reached out to stroke Ludger’s dick as his thrusts became rougher. Ludger couldn’t help but moan unabashedly, and he spared a random thought to the possibility their neighbours would hear.

 

“Don’t hold back,” Julius said through gritted teeth, and Ludger decided that he didn’t care after all.

 

Ludger didn’t know how much longer he would last; his back was arching with each particularly well-angled thrust, which was always a telltale sign it was coming soon. Having said that, Julius seemed like he wasn’t far off, either, as his fingers had begun to dig into Ludger’s waist involuntarily. 

 

“I… I’ve never seen you ruined like this, Ludger,” Julius said breathlessly. “You’re beautiful.”

 

Ludger thought he could really get used to hearing those kinds of compliments all the time, and he tried his best to push his hips onto Julius’ dick in search of more friction. It seemed that Julius’ controlled self had dissipated, and the mattress groaned with the way Julius was fucking him relentlessly. And then he felt it - once, twice, Julius managed to thrust into Ludger’s prostate, and his mind went totally blank with how close to the edge it brought him. 

“Julius, th-...” he was finding it increasingly difficult to speak, the sounds of their laboured breathing completely filling the air. “There was good.”

 

“Ludger, I can’t hold it-” his voice broke, and Ludger felt his own dick twitch at the sound he made. It was the first time he’d seen Julius’ composure so completely broken. “Ludger.” Before he managed to find that spot again, Julius’ torso froze up against Ludger’s as his hips stuttered, breathing uneven as he came.  

The sight alone was nearly enough to make him come, but the friction was gone, and Ludger let out an embarrassing keening sound. 

 

“Julius, please, I’m-” Despite how worn out he was, Julius attentively cradled Ludger’s head close to his, reaching to jerk him off eagerly. As expected, it didn’t take long at all - Julius’ hand felt better than his own ever had, and he came over his own stomach, soft moans escaping him with each surge.

 

They stayed holding onto each other without talking, taking a while to get their breath back.

 

“You’re wonderful,” Julius said before placing a soft kiss to Ludger’s forehead, leaving the bed to presumably get some tissues to clean up with. 

 

Ludger had no energy in his limbs whatsoever. The reality of the situation washed over him, and he almost wanted to cover up his face and squeal, however his exhaustion forbade it. 

 

“I’m sorry I came first,” Julius smiled awkwardly as he came to sit next to Ludger again, beginning to wipe the mess off of Ludger’s stomach. “I wanted to get that spot again for you, but…” Ludger shook his head.

 

“It’s okay, I still enjoyed it very much,” he smiled widely. “Besides, we have time,” he added, positively thrilled at the fact that everything he’d ever wanted to do with his soulmate was now on the cards.

 

“Indeed we do,” Julius agreed, throwing away the messy tissues before sliding into bed to cuddle with Ludger. 

 

A serene blanket of peace fell upon them. Ludger nearly fell asleep, before a thought occurred to him.

 

“So, brother, tell me,” he started. “I’m really so irresistible that you could bare to live with Rideaux for five days?” Ludger smirked.

 

“Yes,” Julius replied honestly without missing a heartbeat. “I told you that was the issue. Way too irresistible.”

 

“Hmm,” Ludger mused. “Well, neither of us need to resist anymore,” he couldn’t help but smile. “Oh yeah, Julius…?”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Had you ever, uh, done it with someone else?” Ludger asked timidly. He felt Julius nod against his shoulder after a moment of silence.

 

“Yeah… Quite a lot,” he admitted awkwardly. “I was trying to distract myself from you. I thought that maybe if I had somewhat of a sex life, it’d be easier to ignore my feelings for you,” he sighed. “It didn’t work. Even when I did that, I could only come when I thought of you.”

 

_ Oh. _

 

“Wow,” Ludger remarked dumbly, pink dusting his cheeks. “Well, that makes sense. We are soulmates, after all.”

 

Julius smiled peacefully, and hooked a leg over Ludger’s so that he could snuggle into his side.

 

“Yes,” he said, reaching out to trace the mark on Ludger’s wrist. “It makes sense.”


End file.
